May 19, 2010

Today all I want is to be deaf

To cease to sense all auditory stimuli.
To relinquish the ability to process spoken language, to understand sound, even to utter one word. 
Communication has become far too much for me. 
I'd prefer the silence of naivete. 
The peace of inactivity. 
QUIET
All I need to hear are my thoughts. 
Why can I blink, 
Shut my eyes to the world, 
Achieve an escape from visual assaults. 
But I cannot blink my ears. 
They sit on the sides of my head
Absorbing far more sound waves than I can process or appreciate, 
In fact, so many that they become irritating, 
Disturbing, 
And indeed maddening phenomena. 
Sound clings like a parasite, bothering me no matter where I go! 
Cat calls
Phone calls
Screams
Lies
Accusations
Voices!!!!

Terrors of the reality of Human Nature
Infiltrating my ear canals
But these are not schizophrenic episodes, 
Hallucinations. 
This is all too real life. 
True madness cannot be discounted as delusions. 

My uncanny and everpresent awareness of my mental instability exacerbates the torture. 

I do not want to speak for fear of contributing to this cacophony of chaos, to this symphony of disaster. 

For all communication is a weapon of destruction. 
All noise merely disrespects peace. 
All sound provokes insanity. 
All cries are testimonies of pain. 
All speech a means of manipulation or deception.

Mouths are only orifices to excrete what empty bellies vomit: despair and devastation.
Bombarded by multitudinous displacements of air, 
Which attack my ear drums ceaselessly
In ferocious persistence, 
Without my permission
I've had enough

Break them! 
Pierce them! 

Before I am so far depressed that I can no longer appreciate music. 

2 comments:

  1. "White noise" is a tactic used by CIA to torture prisoners. You are getting out of jail on July 6. Meanwhile, use ear plugs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is a truly beautiful poem but quiet a destitute state.

    ReplyDelete