How to survive India

1. Don't talk to strangers. When someone asks you to be their friend, ALWAYS SAY NO.
2. You will pay twice as much as locals. It is not fair.
3. Look both ways three times before crossing the street. Especially on one way streets.
4. When someone says yes, they may mean no. Indians like to say yes, especially to questions that are not "yes" or "no" questions. 
5. Be prepared at all times to tell someone what you ate at your last meal. They will ask.
6. When you buy anything they will ask you what price you paid, and tell you they could have gotten it cheaper. This may or may not be true.
7. People are quite forthcoming with all of their living expenses and their salaries. They expect you to be also.
8. Men like to pretend to bump into you. They are just trying to feel you up.
9. Expect to get diabetes from drinking at least 5 cups of chai per day.
10. Be prepared to help bring everyone you meet to your country.
11. Do not give your mobile number to any shopkeepers or journalists or children.
12. Make sure there's wash water in there before you start pooping.
13. Get used to people staring at you unabashedly.
14. If you really want to get something done, there will be a holiday, or a monsoon, or a strike.
15. Clean hair daily to prevent lice.
16. Rinse dishes before use. Or you will end up with bugs in your food.
17. Don't wear contacts--the pollution will build up and scratch your cornea.
18. People will always tell you it looks like you lost or gained weight. Different people will tell the opposite observation. Do not take it personally.
19. Do not agree to paint numbers on furniture. Even if they tell you that you are a painter so you are the only one qualified to do it.
20. "Do not trust anyone. You are here to be used." - Dr. Jack